You're an Umbran Harry!
by Magicia
Summary: One chilly night, Bayonetta finds a child left on the doorstep of an unwelcoming home. She decides to take matters into her own hands, and the rest as they say, is history.
1. In the chill of night

The night was cold, wet, and absolutely filled with Applauds and Affinities. Bayonetta grinned. "My, my! This is my kind of party! You boys are certainly out in force! What's got you lot all hot under the collar?"

The lower ranking Paridisians didn't usually speak to her, but to her surprise, one of the ones near her did. In its strange garbled language it said, "The balance of power has shifted, and the chosen is corrupted."

She rolled her eyes. "Oh, not that shit again." She readied her guns.

The Applaud let out a garbled shout and swung its staff at her.

Bayonetta's smile turned feral. "Let's dance boys!"

* * *

><p>Idly twirling one of her newly acquired halos, Bayonetta wandered down the street. She had come to England as a favor to Rodin, who said that the boys downstairs were getting very antsy over the place.<p>

Judging by the sheer number of Paradiso angels she'd encountered so far, the concerns were justified. Not to mention the odd sights she'd seen. There had been a deluge of shooting stars in a town called Kent, and the number of owls flying about in daylight was baffling. "It's almost like nature itself is having a temper tantrum." She mused.

She paused. "More of those people in cloaks! They've been everywhere today!" Drawing a sigil and stepping through into Purgatorio, she stalked towards them. "Let's see if we can find what this shit is about."

As she approached, she heard the female of the group speak. "They're the worst sort of muggles imaginable! They really are-"

"The only family he has left now." A man with a beard that could rival her hair said.

"He'll be famous Albus! Everyone in our world will know his name!"

The man with the beard nodded."Exactly Minerva! Famous before he can walk and talk. He'll be much better off growing up away from all that." He produced a sheet of paper that Bayonetta recognized to be parchment. "I've written a letter explaining things." He took the infant from the third person, who was possibly the largest human she had ever seen.

The man leaned over and gave the infant what must have been a very scratchy kiss on the forehead. Then he let out a great hiccupping sob.

"Now really Hagrid!" The woman said, sounding scandalized.

"Sorry professor." He sniffed.

Placing the infant on the doorstep, the other man patted him gently. "Now, now, you'll meet again."

The group hung abut for a few more minutes before the old one gently shooed them. He watched the woman turn on the spot and vanish, and the large man get on a motorcycle. Bayonetta was startled to see it take off into the sky.

The old man stayed for a while longer, before he too turned on the spot and vanished.

* * *

><p>Several hours later the front door was opened by a boney looking woman, who promptly screamed and dropped the bottles of milk she was holding. The noise woke the infant, which started to fuss.<p>

Bayonetta used the moment of confusion to slip through the open door. The interior was so pristine that it hurt to look at.

The slamming of the door made her turn around. The woman was clutching the infant and the now open letter. Bayoneta followed her into the kitchen.

Sitting in a chair, the woman shook her head. "We've already got one infant! The last thing I need is one belonging to that blasted sister of mine!" She shook her head again. "What on earth am I going to tell Vernon?!"

Making up her mind, Bayonetta strode out of Purgatorio. "That a woman came to pick up her child."

The woman let out strangled squeak. Outside of Purgatorio, her face was revealed be a combination of pinched and horselike.

Ignoring the outburst, she continued. "I've already watched him all night, and I think he should go where he's wanted." Holding out her arms she said, "Unless you really _do_ want to raise him."

Composing herself, the woman sniffed. "You hardly look like mother material."

Bayonetta rolled her eyes, but kept her arms extended.

The woman sighed. Then she handed the infant over. "You're right. I don't." She thrust the letter at her. "Probably better with you anyway. You and all the rest of those freaks."

A loud rumble came from upstairs. "Pet? Is someone here?"

The woman flinched. "No Vernon! I just forgot to turn the telly off last night!" To Bayonetta she said, "Get out of here!"

Bayonetta smirked and opened the back door before drawing another sigil. Stepping into Purgatorio she said, "No worries. With luck, you'll never see me again."

The woman merely sniffed, looking pleased.

In the strange realm between realities, Baynetta traced the infant's scar. "Well my dear-"she checked the letter- "Harry. Let's go home." Smiling down at the brilliant green eyes staring up at her, she turned and headed for the gate. "On the way, we can figure out how to tell Jeanne she's an aunt."


	2. Infernal complications

It was a few minutes into her walk to the rendezvous that Bayonetta realized someone was following them. "Now who's sneaking around?"

The culprit was fairly easy to spot. A tall, robed person was striding about with a stick, which was pointed unerringly at them. He kept waving it every few seconds.

"Well now, we can't have that!" She traced a circle on the ground with one foot and placed Harry inside as a barrier sprang up. "Stay here little one. I'll be back soon." She stepped back and tapped her feet to the ground, cocking Toccata and Nocturne. Then she opened a gate out of Purgatorio and launched herself forward.

Outside of Purgatorio, the man resolved into a tall figure in jet black robes with a stark white mask. He raised his stick and started to shout something, pointing it like a weapon. She could see a glow beginning to form on the tip, and she transitioned into a roll, activating witch time and causing the jet of red light to go wide, as time seemed to slow to a crawl. She came up and launched a kick that sent the stick spinning out of his hand into the night. Then she brought her foot down in a stomp, summoning Madama Butterfly's foot through a portal and bringing the man crashing to the pavement.

He groaned and rolled over as she placed a foot to his head, Nocturne's barrel aimed at his face. "Who the bloody hell are you?"

Bayonetta just pressed her foot down harder. "I think I should be asking _you_ that. Not many people can track me when I'm in Purgatorio."

The man shoved uselessly at her foot. "I wasn't after you! I don't even know who you are! I was after the Potter's spawn! The Dark Lord wants him dead!"

Potter…Her mind flashed back to the letter. That was Harry's last name if she remembered it correctly. _Well, no sense taking chances_, she thought. "In that case I'm afraid that makes me your enemy. Say goodnight and do give Inferno my regards." The man let out a shout as she shoved her foot, discharging the gun and shattering the mask along with his face. She waited until he stopped moving before producing a handkerchief and cleaning off the blood.

Throwing the ruined scrap away she sighed. "This is why I prefer killing angels. Everything dissolves when they die." She traced a sigil and stepped back into Purgatorio. Picking Harry back up, she frowned. "From the sounds of things, the sooner we get you out of here little one, the better."

Harry just burbled something at her and blinked.

Bayonetta smiled and adjusted her grip before hurrying back towards the rendezvous.

* * *

><p>To her surprise, Enzo wasn't alone at the plane. Rodin himself was there, looking somewhat harassed.<p>

"Tell me you got something figured out baby." Then he spotted her cargo. "What the _hell_ is that?"

Bayonetta smirked. "Funny you should say baby. I've…acquired a little one of my own."

The cigar dropped from Enzo's mouth. "_You?!_ A _mother?!_" The portly man shuddered and picked it back up. "Fuck. That gives me the heebie-jeebies just thinking about it!"

Bayonetta ignored him. "One of the angels said that the balance of power has shifted, and that the chosen is corrupted."

Rodin's face twitched, ever so slightly. "Beautiful."

"I don't think this is like when Da-Balder died. There were a lot of angels flying about, but none of them were very high ranking." She paused. "And I ended up killing a human. He was tracking the little one somehow while we were in Purgatorio."

At this, Rodin looked more closely. "There's something different about him. Someone's rammed their soul into him. Someone strong. Whatever's in there ain't a run of the mill demon soul."

Enzo grinned as Harry blinked up at him. Cigar twisting sideways he tickled the baby, grin widening as he laughed. "Eh whatever, cute little fucker, ain't he?"

Bayonetta gave him a look. "Of course he is."

Noting the possessiveness, Enzo backed away.

Rodin frowned as he caught sight of the baby's scar. "Bayonetta…That ain't a normal mark. It's got something nasty in it, something to do with the other soul. And it's gonna send him straight to Inferno."

Even Enzo froze. "You're fucking kidding right?!" He waved a hand around. "He's barely a year old, if that!"

Rodin shook his head. "Speaking as a former resident of Paradiso, I can tell you it won't matter to them. He'll never get taken up there. The Infernals might not take him right away, but it'd be a damn sight better there than being forced to wander around Purgatorio for all eternity."

Enzo eyed Bayonetta. "And I thought _you _had bad luck! This poor kid's been fucked over before he can even make a choice!"

Bayonetta eyed him before taking Harry back from Rodin and cradling him in one arm. "Well then, we'll just have to see to it that he gets a proper turn up here. Purgatorio is _not_ the sort of place one should wander about in for very long. You stay there for too long, and you'll _really_ lose your way." She looked at Rodin. "There's nothing you can do?"

Rodin shook his head and blew out a cloud of smoke. "I _will_ get the other soul out, I want to tinker with it. But that won't change the fact that he's been marked."

Bayonetta hissed out a curse. "Wonderful." She turned and jumped into the plane. "Come Enzo. We should get home and do some baby shopping."

Enzo grumbled something but got into the pilot seat. "You and your fucking ideas."

He yelped when she pinched his ear. "Come now Enzo, enough of the language. There are delicate ears aboard."

"Bayonetta." She glanced up as Rodin threw his cigar away. "You get to explain this to Jeanne."

She smirked. Ignoring Enzo's muttered expletives, she said, "Leave it to me."

* * *

><p>As turned out, Jeanne was relatively easy to convince. Once she was sure the child hadn't been outright stolen, at any rate. "<em>Cereza!<em>" She sounded scandalized. "You _kidnapped _a child?!"

Bayonetta clutched at Harry. "Of course not!" She pouted. "I wanted him, and his aunt didn't. She was more than happy to give him up."

Jeanne tossed her head, looking exasperated. "You make it sound more like you found a puppy somewhere, rather than a child." She eyed the tower of boxes that was being carried by a puffing Enzo. Deftly catching one that slid off the top, she tossed it in one hand. "Rodin made it sound worse than it was, I suppose. And how did you even find him?"

Bayonetta tossed her head, readjusting her rose laden hat. "I spent the night killing angels, and watched him get left on a doorstep."

Jeanne paused. "A doorstep."

"With a note."

"A note?" She took the proffered item and read it, her expression slowly growing blanker. Finally she handed it back. "Given the options, I can see why you did it. What's that made out of anyway?"

"Parchment. Odd thing for someone to be writing on."

Jeanne made a face. "That seems familiar, but for the life of me I can't remember why." She flung the box back on top of the pile. "We'll meet back at the house then. I'll help you with the paperwork."

"So you agree."

"From what Rodin told me, he's better off with us. Has he taken the other soul out yet?"

"It's on the agenda." She shifted Harry to her other arm, grinning as he watched Jeanne's hair sway. "Rodin says that the sooner it's done, the better, before it has a chance to properly settle in."

Jeanne shrugged. "He's the weapon smith. I suppose he should know."

Bayonetta's lips twisted. "The actual process is a lot less romantic than it looks, believe me." She frowned. "Right now I'm more concerned about Luka. He's dropping by the Gates of Hell tomorrow. I'm not even sure how to begin to explain things to him."

"Leave it to Rodin."

Bayonetta turned and eyed the walking mountain of boxes. "Why Enzo, that's the most sensible thing you've said all day."

"Yeah, yeah." He grumbled. "We done here? If I miss dinner, the wife's gonna let me have it!"

"One last stop." She promised. To Jeanne she said, "I'll see you tonight then. I don't suppose you can talk Rodin into dealing with Luka?" She gave Jeanne a pleading look.

Jeanne rolled her eyes. "I can _try_. Fine. I was going there for a drink anyway. The things I do for you Cereza."

She sauntered off, leaving Bayonetta to guide Enzo into another shop.

Stumbling over the threshold and dropping a few boxes, he shouted, "You two witches are real pieces of work, you know that!"

AN: chapter 2 hot off the presses! Or key board anyway. There's a reason Bayonetta kept Dumbledore's letter. It has some pretty important stuff in it which will be explained (And revealed) next chapter. It's also the primary reason Jeanne is okay with taking in Harry. Also Jeanne is vaguely aware of the wizarding world, but it's the same sort of awareness that someone has in a crowded room, There's people you know somewhere, but you aren't sure where.

also, i should have mentioned this last chapter, but this takes place after the events of Bayonetta 2. The timeline is somewhat nebulous for Bayonetta, as the exact date is never actually specified, but judging from new york, it's fairly close to Harry's time, so we can work off of that.

also Tocatta and Nocturne are the guns from the Love is Blue set she wears on her feet.

Until next chapter!


	3. The Great Luka

"Hey." Luka's friendly greeting meant one of two things. Either he had had all the facts calmly explained to him, or he was too frightened of Rodin to protest. Given Rodin's usual less than talkative demeanor, Bayonetta was betting on the latter. "This the kid you stole?"

Inwardly Bayonetta sighed. _Definitely the latter then._ Aloud, she said. "I didn't _steal_ anything. This time anyway. He was freely given."

"Uh huh. How much of that was from you being intimidating?"

She shrugged. "Not much. His aunt seemed quite glad to be rid of him."

"Rodin said he's got someone else's soul in him."

She nodded and put Harry down on her lap, handing him one of the new toys she had bought, a large stuffed cat. Harry cooed happily and enthusiastically began to chew on one large ear. Smiling, she said, "That's why we're here today. Rodin seemed confident he could remove it."

"I know I can baby." Rodin appeared out of thin air behind the bar, and proceeded to toss back a goblet full of something rose colored that was smoking slightly. Slamming the empty container back on the counter, he wiped his mouth. "Seems your friends downstairs were pretty pleased with all the angels you sent their way. Made them a little more talkative."

"Oh?"

"Apparently the folks in Paradiso were up in arms because there was an upheaval in power, and they weren't the ones to do it. Inferno is angry because they weren't able to get their piece of the action. Basically no one won."

"So that mess the other day was a pissing contest between the trinity?"

Rodin nodded and picked up Harry, cat and all, placing him on the counter. "Pretty much. Earth just got caught in the middle as usual, since its native powerhouses prefer to remain neutral." He stared down at Harry. "Now let's see about getting this other soul out of _you_."

Harry looked up at him and seemed to twitch for a second, then he started chewing on his cat again, though he kept shooting glances at Rodin. As this was a typical reaction to concentrated attention from Rodin from people of _all_ ages, Bayonetta wasn't terribly concerned. She still put a hand on his back, however, rubbing it in circles.

Rodin ruffled his hair. "Promise it won't hurt." Under his breath he added, "If I can help it." This seemed to calm Harry, and he watched with interest as Rodin started setting up tools, though Bayonetta was willing to bet that it was simply because they were shiny.

"Speaking of the other day." Luka tossed Bayonetta a newspaper. "I had a stopover in London this morning on my way back from Sri-Lanka. That you're handiwork?"

She frowned and read aloud, "Manhunt continues for killer of wealthy industrialist."

Flipping the paper open, she continued. "The hunt is on for the killer of industrialist Johnathon Edgecombe, who was found dead in Surrey the morning after Halloween. His wife called law enforcement after her husband failed to return from a costume party the night before. Police say he was still in costume, consisting of black robes and a white mask, at the time of murder. According to forensics, the assailant shot Mister Edgecombe in the face at what appears to be point blank range. Anyone with information should inform their local law enforcement, a reward is being offered for valid information. Longtime family friend Lucius Malfoy was unavailable for comment."

She tossed the newspaper back. "Judging by the description, I'd say that's the man I killed, yes."

Luka frowned. "Since when do you go after humans? They're aren't exactly your usual angelic fare."

Bayonetta watched as Rodin's equipment began to glow, creating a mystical sigil with Harry in the center. "He was tracking the little one while we were in Purgatorio. Apparently he served a master who wanted him dead."

Luka blinked. "Wants him dead?! How old is the kid?"

"A little over a year, according to the letter that he was left on a doorstep with."

Luka's expression turned thunderous, but before he could say anything, Rodin made a pleased noise. "Got ya now." He was making peculiar motions with a metal stick that was engraved in something written in Enochian. Something black as night was being pulled from Harry's scar, appearing to fight every single step of it."

Luka looked sick. "What the hell is that?!"

Sucking the cloud of darkness into a vessel, Rodin sat back, looking somewhat winded. "_That_ was the other soul. Nasty piece of work. Powerful too."

"Planning on making a weapon with it?"

Rodin grinned. "We'll see. If I can beef it up, then definitely. It's fragmented somehow, like it's only a piece. If nothing else, I can make it into his first guns for you."

Luka waved his hands. "Whoa, whoa, whoa. _You_-" he pointed at Bayonetta, "-are raising _him_?!"

She eyed him. "I fail to see how it's any of your concern. He'll be wanted, well fed, and the Chain Chomp likes him, so he'll have a good pet."

Luka drew his feet up reflexively as said creature bounced near, barking lowly. "From what you've told me, the Chain Chomp likes anything that can't get away. I was thinking more about him being condemned to Inferno, actually."

Bayonetta sniffed. "That soul Rodin just extracted had already marked him for Inferno. I like to think I can give him a much better turn up here." She scowled, making Luka inch back on his stool and nearly fall off. "Besides, it's a _damn _sight better than anything those fools who left him with had planned. _They_ dropped him on a doorstep with a note and _left_! It was hours before the household woke up, but they didn't even hang around to make sure he survived the night!"

Luka held his hands up in a placating gesture. "Okay! I'm curious though, _can _men learn the Umbran Arts?"

"It's not common, but it has happened." Luka cursed and spun as Jeanne seemed to appear behind him. "This would make Harry the…fourth. I think." She accepted a goblet of wine from Rodin. "Usually it only happens when an Umbra Witch has a male child, which was fairly uncommon. We're predisposed towards having girls."

Luka appeared to file this away. "So it's possible." He glanced at Bayonetta. "You said something about a letter."

Bayonetta nodded and handed it over. "I thought you'd ask to see it Chesire. Everyone else has."

"Not a cat." Luka mumbled. Then he flipped the note open and read aloud. "Dear Mrs. Dursley, This is your nephew, Harry James Potter, born the thirty first of last July. I regret to inform you of the passing of your sister, Lily, and her husband, James. They were killed at the hands of Lord Voldemort, a dark wizard that has, until tonight, plagued our world. I humbly ask that you please take in and care for your nephew, as you are the only family he has left now. We have placed an enchantment around your house that will protect both you and him, from the followers of Voldemort so long as he stays. This enchantment shall remain until he reaches the age of majority. I cannot stress enough the dangers of the world to child who cannot yet defend himself, and hope that you have the heart to take him in. We shall contact you again at the appropriate time. Yours sincerely, Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore."

He was silent for a moment. Eventually he said, "I suppose he didn't really give her an option, did he?" He looked at the letter for a moment. "This kind of reads like a form letter, except for wizards apparently."

Jeanne snapped her fingers "_That's_ what this was reminding me of. There's a bunch of magic workers that use wands. Survived the witch hunts by laying low."

Bayonetta sniffed. "Wands? How very archaic." At Luka's confused glance, she elaborated. "We Umbra stopped using wands centuries before the witch hunts. They were too much of a liability."

Jeanne frowned. "This Lord Voldemort seems recent. I'll have to do some digging. I know the wand users had a foothold in Eastern Europe, might as well start there."

"We'll need to make a trip to Vigrid anyway." When everyone but Harry stared at her, Bayonetta smirked. "He needs an Umbran Watch, and some of those parts can only be found in Vigrid."

"Leave that to me." Jeanne said. "It'll be better if he has a new one, and I know what it needs."

Luka hopped off the barstool, dodging an attempted nibble from the Chain Chomp. "If you can give me some tips, I'll start looking into these wand users. Odds are good they aren't as well hidden as they like to think."

Rodin sighed as the two of them headed out of the bar, chattering. He sighed and rescued one of his tools from Harry's grasp, replacing it with the cat. Harry seemed perfectly content with this, and happily began chewing on it again. "You're gonna have one hell of a childhood kid."

Harry just burbled and chewed harder on the cat's ear.

* * *

><p>AN: Chapter 3! Headcanon time. Umbra witches stopped with wands since losing them in battle would be a <em>huge<em> liability, and trained their way out of needing them, thus using their hair as conduits. Also, Rodins speech about Earth's powerhouses remaining neutral is very true, since that's precisely what Aesir did, until Loptr gained power that is. The Chain Chomp falls into this category of Earth residents as it is the only one of Bayonetta's weapons explicitly stated to have been found, In Japan, rather than being demonic in origin.

Enochian is widely accepted to be the language Infernals and Paradisians speak. Bayonetta and Jeanne can understand it, and the Umbran Elder was shown to speak it frequently. Also I personally think it possible that some males would have been taught, since they didn't want to upset the balance, and even as an outcast, Bayonetta learned Umbran Arts she technically wasn't supposed to.

Starting with next chapter we will begin moving forward in time, so look forward to that!


	4. An interlude at Five

"Happy Birthday darling!" Bayonetta set the large cake that Enzo's wife had made down on the table, the giant candle in the shape of the number five blazing merrily. "Blow out the candle and make a wish!"

Jeanne, Luka, Enzo, and Bayonetta all clapped as the flame blew out. Harry laughed as a camera flash went off. "Aunt Jeanne!"

Jeanne giggled and waved the camera about. "Sorry sweetie! Have to have a picture of the birthday boy on his birthday, its tradition!"

Bayonetta glanced at the other three photos on the wall. The one for his second birthday depicted a rather large mess with a hugely grinning baby in a high-chair. Harry had still been at the stage where food was both a toy and nourishment. The resultant explosion of cake and other foods had taken several hours to clean up, though only because Jeanne had started a full-fledged food fight. Luka had proved to be a fairly good shot. The other two pictures were much less messy, and more traditional.

Luka cut the cake and started serving pieces. "And one nice big one for the birthday boy."

"Thanks, Mister Chess."

Bayonetta tried and failed to suppress a smirk. Much to Luka's chagrin, Harry had picked up on her often used nickname for the journalist. Unfortunately, he had done so shortly after learning how to speak, and thus was unable to say the full "Cheshire". He had therefore settled for "Mister Chess", after some coaxing from Jeanne, who found the entire thing hilarious.

Luka liked to refer Jeanne as the "Master Instigator."

"Fantastic cake of Clarissa's Enzo. Pity she couldn't be here."

The round man huffed. "Yeah. She wanted to, but Ed and Edna had the flu. Those two share _everything_."

When Harry finished his cake, Bayonetta produced a small box from one of the cabinets. "I have a very special present for you this year Harry!"

The five year old looked up from his plate. "What is it mommy?"

Bayonetta smiled and held out the box. "It's something very important, and the first step towards being an Umbra."

Harry carefully opened the box and pulled out what appeared to be a large shiny disc of white metal with a small emerald set in it. "What's this?"

"An Umbran watch darling." Bayonetta pressed a button, popping the lid open, revealing the face, and the crescent moon shaped emeralds set in a ring around it.

She produced a chain and threaded it through a slot in the back. "Your Aunt Jeanne and I crafted it. Never take it off and always take good care of it."

Harry nodded and grinned as she slipped it around his neck. "Yes Mommy." She ruffled his hair as Jeanne and Luka started bringing in the rest of the presents.

"Good boy. Now open the rest." She smirked as he started tearing into presents.

* * *

><p>Luka waved her over as Harry was exclaiming over the new storybooks Enzo had gotten him.<p>

"I must admit, I didn't think you'd make it here today Cheshire."

He waved it off. "Like I was going to miss the kid's party. I caught a red-eye flight." He set the remainder of his cake on the ground, watching as the Chain Chomp ate it, paper plate and all. "That thing will never fail to disturb me somehow." He shook his head. "Anyways, I may have found out who that Voldemort character is."

This caught her attention. "And?"

"Apparently he's the wand users' version of the boogeyman. You so much as say the name and they freak, spill food all over themselves, you get the idea. Turns out he terrorized most of Britain, and England in general a few years back. He was eventually stopped when a spell he cast n Harry backfired on him, killing him."

He leaned forward. "That's not the most interesting part though. Some rumors say he made a deal with a demon."

Jeanne appeared at his shoulder. "Which one?"

Luka shook his head. "Like I said, it's just a rumor. If it _is_ true, no one knows which one it was. All I know for sure is that he was after Harry there. No one knows _why_ though."

They watched as Harry neatly wrangled Enzo into reading from the books. They were quiet for a moment, watching the portly man begin reading The Wizard of Oz.

After a moment, Bayonetta smiled. "Wrapped around his finger already. Such a quick study."

Jeanne snorted. "As if that's difficult. Enzo loves kids."

"True enough. Still, it's a good start. He's getting there with Rodin too."

"Where is he anyway?" Jeanne asked as she passed around wine.

Luka took the glass she handed him. "Poking around Greece for his latest weapon project. He left his present to Harry with me. It's that box that looks like a chess board. He made him some angel action figures, or something like that. Said it's never too early to learn his targets."

Bayonetta grinned as she passed Enzo a can of beer. "Now that's certainly true. How did you find out about Voldemort?"

Luka pulled out a pair of glasses with three stars on the bridge. "Rodin's glasses do more than just let me see into Purgatorio apparently." He swung them idly. "Turns out there's this cute little pub in London that people without magic can't see. It's called the Leaky Cauldron."

Both Bayonetta and Jeanne snorted.

Luka ignored this. "Definitely a magic place. Nothing like the stuff you two do though."

Jeanne made a face at him. "There's a reason we call ourselves the last of the Umbra you know."

Luka grinned. "Yeah, I know, no giant, vicious, Infernals."

Bayonetta sniffed. "I'll have you know Madama Butterfly likes him."

Luka rolled his eyes. "I suspect Madama Butterfly likes him because _you _do, not because of his own merits."

"She gave him a lollipop."

Luka blinked. "Well, ok. That puts a different spin on things."

Jeanne snorted. "Madama Styx likes him too, though she's less attached than I am."

"I'm surprised he didn't freak out when they were summoned."

Bayonetta waved a hand. "Frankly, I'm not. He _adored_ my panther and crow forms the first time he saw them."

Luka shook his head. "Stop sidetracking me you two!" He pulled out a sheaf of paper and waved it around. "What the Leaky Cauldron did have, was _this_." He handed the sheaf of paper to Bayonetta.

She flipped it over and discovered it was a newspaper. To her surprise, the front page had pictures that were actually in motion. "Verdict reached on Longbottom Torture case." She stared at the snarling faces on the front page for a moment.

Jeanne grinned. "The Daily Prophet? Sounds a little high handed."

Luka shrugged and held up an oversized golden coin. "Apparently they pay for it and everything else with these. They call it a Galleon." He turned it over. "I think it's made from real gold. There's apparently other coins too."

Bayonetta shook her head. "I think I prefer halos and cash."

"You would."

They watched the book reading for another moment. Finally, Bayonetta smirked. "Tomorrow is when things start to get tough. We'll have to start his training."

"How much training can you do before he makes a contract?"

"Some. Umbran flexibility training for one. I can also teach him the basics of the Witch Walk." She paused and added, "And how to shoot. _That's_ a must. I know Rodin has some training guns stashed away somewhere, I'll have to ask him when he gets back.

"Don't you need a contract to Witch Walk?"

"Yes, but it doesn't mean _I_ can't take him on one."

Luka grinned. "I bet that'll go over well. I think you two are a bad influence."

Jeanne grinned and raised her glass in a toast "Hear, hear!"

Luka rolled his eyes. "Right. Anyway, I heard about Dumbledore there too. Seems his name comes up regularly in the paper, among other things. From what I hear, he was responsible for Harry showing up on that doorstep. Any question he's asked about Harry usually ends with something to the effect of, "Mister Potter is safe and with family". Accurate, if partially uninformed." He glanced at Bayonetta. "Does he actually know Harry is here?"

She pursed her lips. "If he _does_, he's certainly never attempted to contact me. Apparently, it's never been the "appropriate time". Just as well for him I suppose."

"What, you want to pummel him with Madama Butterfly?"

"Well, yes. But that's really something that Harry should do with his own contract partner."

"How does the whole contract thing work anyway?"

"Not all Infernals want to make you suffer for eternity you know. Harry'll be old enough to summon for himself in a few years. You're around us enough that you qualify as a viable witness, so you can watch for yourself."

"Looking forward to it."

The three of them clinked their wine glasses together and grinned.

* * *

><p>AN: More Headcanon time! I always figured that the Umbra contract was a supervised affair, given the nature of the event.<p>

As for Madma Butterfly, she seems quite attached to Bayonetta, as she helps out wholeheartedly with the destruction of Alruane's lair, given that the two have never met, and even fist bumps Bayonetta when going up against another infernal. Bottom line, she evidently has a soft spot for Bayonetta and her kin, perhaps from long association with her.

Clarissa is my name for Enzo's wife, as she's not named in the games.

Next chapter is Harry's contract, so look forward to it!


	5. Astarte

"Now remember sweetie, we'll be right here in case anything happens alright?"

Harry swallowed and nodded as Jean stepped back behind him. "Yes, Aunt Jeanne."

Next to her, Luka leaned toward Bayonetta. "Are you sure he's ready for this?"

She frowned. "Technically speaking, no one really is." She whispered. "A picture in a book is one thing. Seeing them in the flesh is quite another."

Harry started chanting, a strange wind whipping through the air. Luka felt the hair on the back of his neck rise. "How does this work anyway? Do you actually pick one?"

Bayonetta shook her head. "It's more a search for an Infernal that you'll share a rapport with."

Furniture began to rattle and a vortex slowly began to open, tendrils of red energy spiraling out into the air.

There was a pause, and then a strange, spherical looking creature with an oddly shaped head rose through the portal.

Bayonetta hissed something in Enochian and drew back her fist. "A Malicious!"

Before she could act however, a gigantic hand erupted from the portal and snatched up the Infernal. It squeezed, causing it to let out a shriek. There was a gush of blood and the Malicious crumpled to the ground, dissolving into nothingness.

The hand drew back, and the portal widened. Then a massive head rose. The skin was dark, almost pitch black, and the hair was a messy pile of brown. Atop it was a simple headdress with a giant crescent moon on its side. Her eyes, like all Infernals, were a bright red. She rose higher, revealing a golden choker and the top half of what appeared to be a black gown.

She leaned forward and eyed him, smiling. Then she spoke, her voice surprisingly light, but filled with a rich undertone. "Ah. I see. The son of Cereza. This is a pleasant surprise."

Out of one ear, Bayonetta could hear Jeanne giving a running translation for Luka. She discreetly cocked her guns. "Is it really?"

The infernal turned her head to look at her. "And why would it not be? Is he not requesting a pact?"

"That depends entirely on you really being who you should be."

The Infernal smirked. "I am no Malicious, if that is what you are concerned of." She turned back to Harry. "Do you recognize me?"

Harry nodded and swallowed. In somewhat halting Enochian he said, "You are the Lady Astarte."

The Infernal's smile widened. "Madama Butterfly has spoken highly of your intelligence to me. I am pleased to see she was not mistaken."

Bayonetta's stance shifted into something slightly more relaxed. "She rarely is."

Astarte's massive head nodded once. "Just so." She rose higher, revealing her supposed gown to actually be a form of ancient toga. There was a light rustle, and a pair of gargantuan dove-like wings spread out behind her. She extended a hand, setting the bangles on her arm jingling. "So then little Umbra, will you make a pact with me? Will you trade me your soul in exchange for my wisdom and power?"

Harry swallowed nervously. Then he glanced back at Bayonetta. When she gave him an encouraging look he turned back to face Astarte, who was smiling indulgently. "I-" He coughed and tried again. "I do so hereby swear my soul to you, Lady Astarte."

She smile widened and she carefully picked him up. "So it has been decided, and so it shall be! You have a great future ahead of you little Umbra."

With that, she seemed to surge forward, melting and swirling about Harry in a riot of color and sound. His watch began to glow, and he rose into the air. There was a bang, and the colors exploded outward, throwing the room into sharp relief. They watched as Harry's shadow slowly began to warp, shifting into the shape of Lady Astarte.

Harry gasped as he began to fall. There was a moment of free-fall, then the wings of a dove burst from his back, flapping gently and slowing his descent. He landed somewhat heavily on the ground, looking winded. Bayonetta and Jeanne were at his sides in seconds.

As they hauled him up, the portal, which was still open, throbbed with arcane energy and widened immeasurably, rising off the ground to hover in front of them. There was a rustling sound, and Harry caught sight of something resembling a humanoid insect. It seemed to eye him for a moment before it spoke. To his surprise, it was in English. "Well done, young one." Then there was a crash, and the portal vanished.

After a moment, Luka spoke. "I didn't think they knew English."

Bayonetta finished helping Harry up. "They do, but they rarely choose to speak it. They seem to think its beneath them to speak like humans do." She turned to Harry. "But it spoke truly. Well done indeed."

Jeanne nodded. "Yes. Astarte is one of the older Infernals. Her siding with you speaks well of your talents."

"Is it normal to feel this tired?"

Bayonetta nodded. "It's the strain from them connecting. It'll vanish in a few days. You have some leeway until the contract fully kicks in."

"Can't carry out a contract without a weapon."

"Gah!" Luka leaped away as Rodin materialized from nowhere behind him. "Do you have to do that?!"

Rodin took a drag from his cigar. "Makes life more fun." He grinned. "Come on back to the Dump, kid. I got a little birthday present for ya."

* * *

><p>Once they were back at the bar, Rodin laid a cloth covered box on the table. "For your pleasure, I present to you, Night at the Opera!" He whipped the cloth away to reveal four guns that were jet black in color and had a moon shaped gem hanging from their handles. "Here we have Dafne, Carmen, Seville, and Partenope."<p>

Bayonetta licked her lips. "Why Rodin! You've outdone yourself!"

The weaponsmith grinned, his eyes shining red through his sunglasses. "Nothing but the best for you and yours, Bayonetta." He frowned slightly. "You'd probably put a bullet in me if I did any less."

She grinned. "You know me a little too well, Rodin."

Rodin chuckled and turned to Harry. "Take em out back and try em out kid. I even got you some targets."

Harry grinned and grabbed the guns, locking them into place and sprinted for the door. "Thanks Uncle Rodin!"

Jeanne sauntered after him. "I'll make sure he doesn't overdo it."

Luka watched the door for a second, then took a sip of the drink Rodin handed him. "So I was back in London again last week. Have you ever heard of a goblin?"

Bayonetta scoffed. "Very low ranking Infernal. Prefers to use money to give mortals trouble. Why?"

"Because I met one. It asked me to give this letter to "Lady Cereza of the Left Eye". Apparently they knew we work together."

Bayonetta frowned and took the proffered letter. She flipped it open and read aloud. "To the esteemed Lady Cereza of the Left Eye, greetings. We here at Gringotts Wizarding bank have been recently appraised of your adoption of one Harry James Potter by one of our field agents. We humbly request that you please make a trip to our American branch in Times Square, New York, to settle matters of estate in connection with Mister Potter. We give you our word as one Infernal to another that all matters shall be held in utmost secrecy. If you require directions, please send a request via the enclosed return envelope. Sincerely, Gornoll, Head Goblin of Gringotts Incorporated."

"Well, that was surprisingly polite, for an Infernal. Can you actually trust their word?"

"Goblins are always polite, unless they aren't, Chesire. I wasn't aware they had a bank however. Seems they've been branching out. And generally there's few Infernals you _can _trust, but a goblin always keeps their word. It's part of the reason humans trust them so much." She fished out the enclosed envelope, reading the address. "Main Offices, Gringotts Headquarters, London." She flipped it over and read a small note taped to the back. "Please give this to the nearest owl, and they will be happy to transport this letter. You may have to bribe them with food first however."

She grinned. "Looks like I have a trip to make that's actually aboveboard for once."

Rodin chuckled and took a sip of his own drink. "Don't tell me you're getting soft."

She sniffed. "Perish the thought Rodin!" She glanced at Luka. "I don't suppose you found out anything else while you were in London?"

"You mean besides the fact that the Goblin's think Dumbledore is more mad than anything else? There's a school for magic people up somewhere in Scotland. Apparently anyone without magic just sees a condemned building or something. Dumbledore's the headmaster."

Bayonetta made a noncommittal noise as she wrote something out and put it in the envelope. "And the name?"

"Hogwarts."

Rodin raised an eyebrow. "Now that name brings back memories. Lot of angels getting killed back in the early days. They had their own Umbra bodyguard back then. Right up until they got called away during the witch hunts."

"And then they went down under."

"True enough." She sealed the envelope and headed for the back door. "I suppose we'll be off now. I suppose you're heading back out Cheshire?"

"Yeah. Back to London. Seems those rumors about Voldemort making a deal with a demon may not have been rumors. Hopefully I can find out. Tell Harry I said happy ninth, okay?"

She nodded and headed out to watch as Harry targeted and successfully blasted some captured Decorations Rodin had provided. Then she scowled. "Harry! Loosen your arms! I know I've told you holding a gun like that will just make you sore!"

Harry grinned and settled into something more natural looking.

Jeanne snorted. "You do realize he only switched to that when he heard you come out?"

Bayonetta rolled her eyes. "Cheeky little devil." But she ruffled his hair all the same.

* * *

><p>AN: My apologies for the delay. This chapter required a lot of research. So, Astarte. She's a goddess of fertility, motherhood, love, and war. By various accounts, she has either been cast down to hell (The bible refers to her as the abomination), always been there, or chose to go there. She has a lot of parallells with Harry in that respect, which is what led me to choose her. XrosaryX pointed out to me that all the known Umbra contract partners were insect based, but after watching Bloody Fate where Bayonetta's partner is implied to be Gomorroh, I'm left thinking that may be a feature of the Madamas, rather than any particular indicator of the Umbra.<p>

Speaking of Madamas, Harry's guns are an Homage to Madama Butterfly, Who is herself named for an opera of the same name, as her description alludes to. While Carmen is well known, and Seville is short for the Barber of Seville, Dafne is the first opera ever, performed in Florence, and Partenope is the first opera written by an American born composer.

Also Madama Butterfly is a closet gossip, and the Goblins are not terribly enamored of Dumbledore.


	6. Diagon Alley

"Dear Mister Potter, We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted to Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry." He examined the envelope, which had been brought by an exhausted looking owl. Said owl was currently keeled over on the back of the living room sofa, wings akimbo. Harry was fairly certain that if it could, it would have been panting. "I didn't apply."

Bayonetta sauntered out of the kitchen, holding a bowl of water. She plucked the owl off the sofa and put it on a table, placing the water in front of it. The owl gave a low hoot and began to drink. Stroking its feathers gently, she pursed her lips. "Apparently you didn't have to. From what Luka says, your name has been down ever since you were born. According to him, your birth parents were magical themselves, just not like us."

She cast a glance at the large portrait hanging on one wall. It showed a redheaded woman and a man with very messy black hair. She had gotten it, along with a number of other items, at her visit to Gringotts, which had apparently shipped them from its European branch. The rest of the items had been locked away for safekeeping, though his parents wands hung below the portrait. She hadn't questioned just how the Goblins had managed to recover those. They were notorious for their infernal talents.

Harry frowned and adjusted his glasses, the wing design across the top shining. "Why would I go to some school in Scotland? That's where it is isn't it?"

"According to Luka, yes." She frowned. "And it's not like you need to. But it certainly wouldn't hurt to get another perspective on magic."

Harry squinted at the letter. "Apparently they await my owl."

The owl jerked away from the water dish with a loud hoot of horror.

Bayonetta gently rubbed its head. "They'll have to wait. This poor thing needs a few days to recover. It just flew cross country after all." The owl slumped in relief, and was more than content to be picked up and placed in a potted tree on the patio.

Jeanne arrived shortly thereafter. It soon transpired that she had been doing some research. She plunked a large book entitled, "Hogwarts, a History", down on the coffee table. "This place is pretty venerated around Europe. Supposedly it's actually a decent school, for a place that specializes in _wands_."

Harry made a face. "Why would I want to use one of those?" He made a fist. "I do just fine with Lady Astarte."

Jeanne shrugged. "It's worth thinking about. And you wouldn't be alone there in any case. I happened to find out that the school is recruiting for teachers. Your mother and I can easily send some of our course programs up there.

While Jeanne taught High-school, Harry's mother taught a self-defense class most nights. Nothing that could be mistaken for an Umbra's training, but still quite effective. More than a few people had come back saying that the classes had saved their lives.

"Give it a few days thought sweetie." Bayonetta said. "The owl needs to recover anyway."

* * *

><p>It was three days before the owl was apparently able (or willing) to make the transcontinental flight. It let them know by flying in and fetching a pen and paper in its beak and bringing them to Harry.<p>

"I suppose it's time to make a decision." Bayonetta said. She watched as Harry frowned.

"I get the feeling that saying no would be more trouble than it's worth." He eyed the owl for a moment. "Still, they might be able to tell me about my parents. I kinda want to know more about them." He brightened. "Besides if I don't like it, I can always just unleash Inferno on them. They sound pretty weak."

Bayonetta ruffled his hair. "That a boy."

* * *

><p>The letter also included a list of school supplies, many of which Bayonetta and Jeanne had scoffed at. "A pewter cauldron, really? Who uses those anymore?"<p>

The list had said that all purchases could be made in Diagon Alley. Harry knew from Luka that the alley could be accessed via the Leaky Cauldron. What Luka hadn't mentioned was how everyone would crowd around him. Apparently his scar was quite famous.

"Back off!" Bayonetta's abrupt command was coupled with a magically charged blast fired into the rafters from one of her guns. Several people shrieked, and the crowd rapidly backed away. "Honestly, you wouldn't know from looking that this was a crowd of adults, rather than children." She flipped her hand, making the gun vanish. "Out of the way!"

As she was currently sporting one of her more deadly glares from under her white rose laden hat, the effect was immediate. The crowd parted rather as if someone had cut them in two. Bayonetta and Jeanne stepped on either side of Harry and led the way to the back.

The rear lot looked rather decrepit at first glance. Then Harry spotted a slight golden glint at the top of one wall. "What's that?"

Bayonetta looked up. "Witch metal." She jumped and delivered a punch that shattered the brick and revealed a disc of buttery yellow metal. Then she gave the disc a magically charged kick. There was a faint ringing sound, and the disc flashed, before the entire wall curled away, revealing a bustling street and a sign proclaiming "Diagon Alley".

Jeanne grinned. "Apparently Vigrid isn't the only place with Umbran influence."

Nearly all activity stopped as the trio headed down the street. While Harry was in his battlesuit, guns and all,(Though they were invisible for the time being), Bayonetta was in a rather interestingly cut white dress that showed more than it hid. It was this that was attracting the majority of attention, though Jeanne's dress was drawing its fair share as well.

"Where to first?"

"The bank I should think." Bayonetta twirled a Halo idly with one finger. "I don't think the local merchants are going to take payments in Halos. I'm afraid we'll need to exchange for the local currency. If it's anything like the American branch I went to, it should be possible."

* * *

><p>"Then again, that may not be necessary." She and Jeanne stared as the goblin stepped aside to allow them access into Harry's vault.<p>

The vault that was absolutely _filled_ with shining coins of all types.

"Well, good to know it's here." Bayonetta pulled a sack full of Halos from somewhere, pretending not to notice the way the Goblin's eyes grew wide. "Still, that's your money for later down the road. Paying for your supplies is a parental prerogative."

* * *

><p>A short while later found them laden down with more wizarding money than they could count. Halos it seemed, had quite an exchange rate. As a precaution, Harry magically grew his bangs out to cover his scar.<p>

Most of the trip was fairly straightforward. Bayonetta stored their purchases in some kind of box that seemed to never run out of space. When asked, she said she had borrowed it from Rodin.

* * *

><p>It wasn't until they were purchasing a wand that anything happened. Harry had been rather against purchasing one, but Jeanne had eventually convinced him, saying that if nothing else, it made for a good bit of subterfuge.<p>

They were in the wand shop, a dusty and slightly dingy place called Ollivander's. This was in keeping with Ollivander himself, who appeared to be about as weathered as his shop.

The white haired man appeared from out of nowhere around a corner, dusting off his suit. "May I help you?"

"I need a wand."

Ollivander peered at him. "No, you don't." He said in a matter of fact tone, "You use another source young man. That much I can see, even if I don't know what it is." He straightened. "But I suppose that won't matter at Hogwarts, will it Mister Potter?"

Harry shared a look with his mother and aunt.

Ollivander either didn't notice, or pretended not to. "Seems like only yesterday, your mother and father were in here buying _their_ first wands." He started ambling among the shelves, inspecting boxes seemingly at random before pulling one.

Removing the wand he held it out to Harry, who took it. "I remember every wand I've ever sold, Mister Potter. Your mother's for example, very good for charms, while your father's excelled in transfiguration." He frowned when Harry simply stood there and said, "Well go on, give it a wave!"

Harry did so. An entire wall of wands went flying from the shelves to land in a heap on the ground. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Harry was certain he heard Lady Astarte giggle.

Ollivander's face was impassive as he took the wand back and selected another for him to try. This one cracked the ceiling, causing plaster to fall.

Things continued in this way for a while, and Harry was beginning to worry that the shop might collapse. Finally Ollivander handed him one that was "Holly and Phoenix feather, thirteen inches." There was a wave of heat that rushed up his arm, and actually waving the wand made a fountain of sparks.

Ollivander applauded politely. "Curious."

"And why would that be?"

Ollivander smiled thinly as he boxed up the wand and rang it up on an ancient looking cash register that had somehow survived the carnage. "It just so happens that the phoenix that gave the feather for that wand gave just one other feather. It's curious he should get this wand, when its brother gave him that scar."

Stepping over a pile of broken glass, he held out the box. "The wand chooses the wizard, Mister Potter, be it for good or ill. You would do well to remember that." He shook hands with him. "Good day, and good luck."

* * *

><p>Their final stop was a place called Gladrags Wizard Wear. Harry had refused point blank to wear a school robe, feeling that it was an insult to his Umbran nature. Neither Bayonetta nor Jeanne protested. Bayonetta <em>did <em>however, want to have a look at the wizarding fashions. Apparently she had noticed a few especially interesting ones during their trip.

Gladrags was mostly empty, save a child with hair that was almost as blonde as Jeanne's. He was accompanied by a man and woman that were clearly his parents.

Jeanne started browsing amongst the shelves, looking at cloaks. Bayonetta however headed over to look at dresses, passing the man and woman as if they weren't even there.

Both of them stared after them as if they'd seen something unpleasant. The woman however, also sent a faintly envious look at Bayonetta's dress.

The boy on the other hand, said somewhat loudly, "Who on earth let muggles in here?"

Both the adults smirked faintly when Jeanne quirked an eyebrow. The expression changed when she clicked her fingers and a dress levitated itself off the hangers. "Try this one Cereza." She sent the gown flying across the room. Harry hid a smirk. The Hogwarts book had mentioned muggles. The three of them were anything but.

Harry himself was soon swept into a world of cloaks and dress shirts. Bayonetta and Jeanne kept their attendant quite busy. He eventually ended up next to the blonde boy, holding a small pile of capes and shirts.

The boy gave him a rather disdainful look. "You lot try too hard to make it look like you have money. It's rather disgraceful."

Harry was sorely tempted to deliver a wicked weave, but refrained. "Who said anything about trying? We _do_ have money." He frowned and added, "And a good deal more tact."

The boy colored, making it look as if his cheeks had been rouged badly. Both his parents lips thinned.

Harry ignored them. "Clearly your money didn't buy manners."

The boy opened his mouth in outrage, but his mother suddenly spoke, clearly scenting danger. "That's enough Draco. You _were _being rather rude." She was staring at Harry as though she was seeing something very familiar and was unable to place it. Eventually she extended a hand. "I apologize for my son. I am Narcissa Malfoy."

Harry shook it gently. "Harry. Pleasure to meet you Missus Malfoy."

Her brow furrowed. "You have an interesting accent."

"I live in America."

"Ah. On vacation then are you?"

"Shopping for school actually. I got an acceptance letter to Hogwarts. Trip almost killed the owl."

Her husband spoke for the first time. "You live in America and you got a letter for Hogwarts?"

Harry shrugged. "Apparently my name was down for it ever since I was born. And I was born in Britain."

Mister Malfoy eyed the counter, where there was sizable pile of Galleons, Knuts, and sickles in front of a rather awestruck clerk. "What precisely does your family deal in?"

Jeanne spoke from behind him. "Antiquities." The man jumped. "Rarities, mostly of religious aspects." Harry barely restrained a snort. "Though I'm also a teacher of muggle subjects and advanced magical defense. Cereza over there teaches self-defense classes." She glanced at Harry. "Bring your clothes to the counter so we can wrap them. I think it's time we headed out."

As he headed to the counter, Harry heard the older Malfoy say, "You teach magic do you? I happen to be on the board of governors for Hogwarts."

Harry ignored the resulting conversation in favor of speaking with his mother. "Ready to head home sweetie?"

Harry nodded. "Is Uncle Enzo flying us back?"

Bayonetta grinned. "Actually it's Luka bringing us back. He has an early birthday present for you."

* * *

><p>Harry's present turned out to be a large snowy white owl. "Figured she'd be just the thing for you kid. I hear all that school uses for messages is owls."<p>

"Why Cheshire, she's gorgeous!"

Anything else Bayonetta had to say was cut off as light erupted around them. Heavenly music filled the air and Applauds and Affinities dropped from the sky.

Bayonetta sighed. "And here I thought we could have a nice excursion." She drew her guns. "Oh well, I could use the exercise anyway. Ready Harry?"

Harry's response was to fire off a shot that blew the head off an Affinity that had prowled a little too close.

"Good lad! Do take cover Cheshire!"

Luka dived into the plane and slammed the door.

* * *

><p>Jeanne joined the fray shortly thereafter, blasting a Beloved in the jewel on its back. "Sorry I'm late. Had some business to finish up with those Malfoys. How do you feel about being called a professor?"<p>

Bayonetta grabbed the Beloved's axe as it launched it into a swing, wrenching it from its hands and cleaving it into its flesh, sending blood everywhere. "It almost makes me sound respectable! Can't have that."

Harry summoned Lady Astarte behind them. The massive Infernal rose and delivered a hefty punch that summarily flattened the angel, squishing it into a tenth of its former size, and causing it to let out a shrill squeal of death.

Jeanne flicked her hair back. "Well you won't really have a choice there, I'm afraid. Hogwarts won't call its instructors anything else."

Bayonetta smirked and blew a kiss at the angelic seal, shattering it. "We'll just have to see if we can change that, won't we?"

The plane door slid open. "Every day is a new adventure with you two, you know that?"

The owl hooted in agreement.

* * *

><p>AN: Have an christmas present. Happy holidays.<p>

So, Bayonetta is stated to be a nun in concept art and in Bloody Fate. That being said, I'm fairly certain the idea of a helpless woman (or man, for that matter.) is abhorrent to her, thus she teaches self defense classes for all ages. Also my personal headcanon is that the Umbra can converse with their infernals telepathically, which gives them an edge when fighting.

Enjoy!


	7. Hogwarts

"Platform nine and three quarters? What kinda magic shit is that?"

Harry shrugged. "That's what the ticket says Uncle Enzo."

Enzo shrugged and flicked his cigar into the ashtray, dislodging a slew of ash. "Eh whatever. Guess the magic carpets all have holes in them or something."

"Actually those are supposedly illegal in Europe." Jeanne had procured a book full of wizarding laws while in Diagon Alley, and had been reading it ever since they got home. She squinted at the page. "Says they've been banned since eighteen twenty-two." She frowned. "Apparently it's still legal to curse ugly muggles though."

Enzo shuddered. "If they're anything like _your_ curses, I don't think I wanna know."

Bayonetta scoffed and took a sip of her wine. "We're special cases and you know it."

Enzo shrugged. "Yeah fine. _So_, I'll fly you witches into London next week then?"

"If you don't mind."

"Nah. I can go shopping for Clarissa's birthday present in London. Them angels don't seem to bother with me unless you lot are involved. I ain't exactly their type you know."

"Duly noted."

* * *

><p>"Well, there's platform ten, and that's platform nine." Bayonetta glanced around. "Platform nine and three quarters doesn't seem to be here."<p>

"It's between them." All three of them turned to see a plump red haired woman with a small gaggle of children behind her. "You have to run at the barrier between them. She gestured to one of her sons. "Show them Percy."

The boy in question grasped his trolley and charged the barrier, vanishing into the brick as if it didn't exist. Bayonetta frowned and stuck a hand into it. The bricks rippled like water. "interesting trick."

"It reacts to magic. Though muggles can use it if they've been around magic enough." The woman explained. She held out a hand and shook Bayonetta and Jeanne's. "Molly Weasley."

"Bayonetta."

"Jeanne."

"Pleasure. You must be new to Hogwarts. I don't know why they never mention the platform in the letters." She frowned. "I usually stay out here to help the muggleborn first years find the platform. My husband is on the other side."

"That's very nice of you."

Mrs. Weasley glanced down at Harry. "I do try. And who might you be?"

Harry smiled and held out his hand. "Harry Potter ma'am."

The lone girl in the crowd of children squeaked. Mrs Weasley shot her a look. "Pleasure to meet you dear. I imagine this must be quite strange for you, off to Hogwarts all alone."

Harry shook his head. "Mom and Aunt Jeanne'll both be teaching there this year, so it's not like I'll be entirely by myself."

Mrs. Weasley looked up. "You two are new professors?"

Bayonetta grinned. "I teach self-defense classes. I'm told I'm quite good at it. Jeanne there teaches advanced magical defense."

Jeanne waved. "I teach the wandless variety." She frowned and noted as the twins near the back suddenly looked gleeful.

Mrs. Weasley saw it too. "Don't you be getting ideas you two!" She snapped. "Those are my twins, Fred and George. Biggest troublemakers you ever saw."

Neither twin looked in the least repentant.

* * *

><p>"Well there's an obnoxious object." Bayonetta eyed the bright red steam engine as it puffed merrily on the tracks.<p>

"It _is _a bit of an eyesore, I grant you." They turned to find Lucius Malfoy and his wife and son standing nearby. He sighed. "However, the Ministry of Magic requires that all students ride it, or not be allowed admission to Hogwarts. Even my considerable clout has not been enough to sway their minds."

A loud whistle rent the air.

Mrs. Malfoy gestured to her son. "That's the ten minute warning. Draco, you'd better get on board. Your friends will be looking for you."

"Yes mother." He vanished into the train.

Lucius flicked his wand and sent his son's possessions floating in after him. To Jeanne he said, "You two are all set at the castle. The headmaster will announce you before the start of the welcoming feast." He glanced at Harry. "Would you like me to enchant your belongings as well?"

Harry shook his head. "No thanks." He reached down and hefted the trolley, trunk and all, throwing onto one shoulder. "It's really not all that heavy." He grinned and carried it onto the train, ignoring the astonished expressions on the Malfoy's faces.

* * *

><p>The ride was largely uneventful, aside from the sudden appearance of a girl with very bushy brown hair. She was accompanied by a boy with a rather downtrodden expression. After inquiring about a missing toad, she vanished, though she gave Harry a very curious look. Bayonetta and Jeanne's mere presence was enough to scare away most of the nosier students. Adults were apparently a rarity on the train however, and they still managed to draw a steady stream.<p>

Eventually Bayonetta put a seal on the door and all three of them stepped into Purgatorio. Harry settled down into reading one of Jeanne's old history books. This was always an interesting affair, as the margins were filled with notes from Jeanne herself, who had actually met most of the people featured.

Her comments spared no one; George Washington was deemed a man with his wig on too tight, and devoid of any real fun. Abraham Lincoln however, was declared a statesman of high caliber. Coming from Jeanne, Harry knew that either statement could have very well meant anything.

It was some hours later that the train arrived at a small station. There was a thrum of noise as the locomotive began to empty. The conductor, a somewhat portly man dressed in red, and with a great deal of mustache, stopped by their compartment to inform them that a carriage was waiting to bring the two women up to the school. Harry however was to go with the rest of the first years, his things would be brought to the castle for him.

* * *

><p>Stepping out of the train brought another surprise. Rodin.<p>

"Bout time you got here." He grinned, making the already clear circle around him widen noticeably.

"That's the trouble with traveling legal." Bayonetta said. "It's so damn slow."

Rodin snorted. "Only to you. Though I grant you a train is pretty backwater."

"Why are you here Uncle Rodin? I thought you were in Spain."

Rodin frowned. "Got a very hot news item. You remember your momma telling you how some places are closer to Inferno or Paradiso?" When Harry nodded, he continued. "Turns out Hogwarts is like Fimbulventr, it has connections to both. Stay out of the lake. It's got a path that'll take you down home."

Jeanne blinked. "I take it there's a path to Paradiso too then?"

Rodin nodded. "Not sure where it is, but that means nothin' round here." He fished around in his jacket for a moment and withdrew a large ruby on a chain. "Your momma and aunt have one of these, you should too. It's a key to the Dump." He tossed it to Harry. "I think you'll end up with plenty of Halos round here."

"Always out for the money, aren't you Rodin?" There was no actual heat in her voice.

Rodin grinned. "Business before pleasure ladies, you know that." He waved and lit a cigar with one thumb. "Gotta get back to the Dump. You kids have fun now." There was a flash and Rodin vanished.

In the ringing silence that followed, a booming voice suddenly thundered out, "First years over here! First years this way!" The voice was coming from a mountain of a man in a large hairy looking coat.

Bayonetta's eyes narrowed. "That voice sounds very familiar."

The man was every bit as large as he appeared. He was carrying a lantern and was waving it about. "First years with me! We'll be going up to the castle as soon as we got everyone!" He leaned down and picked something up. "Oy! Who's toad is this!"

"Trevor!"

"Keep a better eye on your pets lad."

Jeanne sniffed. "He seems harmless. And I doubt he'd be expecting people of our power anyway." She flipped her hair back. "Besides, we have a ride waiting, and we need to change into something more appropriate."

* * *

><p>The giant man turned out be named Hagrid. He led them to a number of boats at the edge of a lake. "No more an' four to a boat!" He pointed at Harry. "You're with me."<p>

Remembering Rodin's warning, Harry cocked his guns. It turned out to be mostly unnecessary as the only hint he saw of an Inferno was some of its vegetation. Given that Inferno's plant life was often times sentient, this might have spelled trouble, but if any of it was alive, it appeared to be asleep. Harry made sure not to touch it anyway.

* * *

><p>They were met at the castle by a very stern looking woman dressed in mostly green robes. Her gaze swept the mass of students, eyes narrowing when she spotted Harry.<p>

Hagrid however, spoke before she could. "The first years, Fesser McGonagall."

"Thank you Hagrid." Her voice was crisp and no-nonsense. "I'll take it from here." She led them inside. What followed was a short lecture. "In a few moments, you will be sorted into your houses. There are four houses here in Hogwarts. They are Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff, and Slytherin. While you are here, your house will be like your family. Your triumphs will earn you points. Any rule breaking-" Here her gaze shot to Harry, "will lose you points. At the end of the year, the house with the most points is awarded the house cup." She turned and threw the door open. "Follow me."

She led them into a large room filled with people. Up at the front of the room, a witch with fly-away hair was putting a very worn out looking hat on a thee legged stool. The hat sat there for a moment, then a rip at the brim opened like a mouth, and it started to sing.

"_Light and Dark have returned to us, bringing back days of old. In the darkness there is a story to be told. Fear not the night, for in it is light. The eyes of the world are in all today, one great cosmic play. Paradise and fire play their part, one great celestial art! Look to the moon and its people for the facts, they'll tell you that none of it are acts. The truth is hard, and life deals many a card. So take __**your **__card and put me on your head, I'll tell you where you need to go, for I see all the highs and lows! For I'm no ordinary hat, I'm a thinking cap!"_

The hat fell silent to a round of applause, though it was mixed with some confused whispering. Professor McGonagall gave the room the sort of look that could curdle milk, which quickly cut off the noise. "When I call your name, you will come up and place the hat upon your head and be sorted into your houses."

Harry stopped paying attention after this, focusing instead on the hall in general. The ceiling caught his attention first, as it seemed to be showing whatever was outside, though if he looked closely he could still see the rafters. The wall behind the professors at the front of the room was much more interesting however. There were several portraits, and to Harry's great surprise, the largest was a faithful rendering of Queen Sheba.

The queen of Inferno looked out over the entire hall from a truly massive portrait. As Harry stared at it, he could have sworn it winked at him. Remembering that Sheba had once helped his mother, Harry wouldn't have been surprised if she _was_ watching now.

He was jerked back to reality as Mcgonagall called out, "Granger, Hermione!"

The bushy haired girl he had run into earlier walked up to the stool looking highly nervous. There was a full minute of silence, then the rip in the hat opened wide. "Gryffindor!" The girl headed to a table decked out in red and gold, amidst cheers and clapping.

Shortly thereafter was "Longbottom, Neville." He too ended up at Gryffindor, though the hat took a very long time deciding, and Neville accidentally went to the table wearing it and had to jog back amid gales of laughter.

The next was "Malfoy, Draco." The hat took almost no time whatsoever. It had barely touched his head before it shouted out Slytherin.

Finally after "Patil, Padma, and Patil Parvati!", it was "Potter, Harry!"

McGonagall blanched slightly as Harry strode forward. All around him the hall erupted into whispers. "Potter did she say?" "_The_ Harry Potter?" "Why isn't he wearing robes?" Harry ignored them, making for the hat.

Closer to the stool, he could see a crescent shaped splash of metal set into the floor. As he reached it, it glowed brightly, throwing his shadow up against a wall. Harry sighed and sat on the stool, and resolutely ignoring the growing whispers, put the hat on his head.

"_Hah! An Umbra back in our halls at last!" _ The hat sounded worryingly enthusiastic. _"Five hundred and some odd years has been far too long!"_

Harry frowned. "You seem unbelievably thrilled."

The hat gave him what felt like the mental equivalent of a shrug. _"Unlike the others in this castle, I remember its glory days, when the founders and the Umbra worked side by side. It was they who gave me the ability to sort you lot into your houses after all." _It seemed to pause for a moment. _"Speaking of which…" _It trailed off and began muttering to itself.

"The Umbra made you?"

The hat broke off mid-mutter. _"Oh heavens no. I was made by Twilina's hat shop and purchased by one Godric Gryffindor. Towards the end of his life, the Umbra put some power into me so that I could sort for the founders after their deaths. Speaking of sorting, I think you'd do well in…Slytherin!"_

This last word was shouted out to the hall at large. There was a smattering of applause, though it was much subdued. Harry however could see Bayonetta and Jeanne both applauding from a small alcove. They would have been clearly visible had they not both been in Purgatorio.

A spate of whispers started and Professor McGonagall jerked her hand back from the hat. Harry turned and beheld a giant flower growing out of the metal crescent. It would have looked like a sunflower, had its petals not been a bright blue, and a skull been where the center normally would have been. The skull yattered at him and whipped about to eye the hall. Seeing the fascinated, and slightly longing, look on one of the professor's faces, Harry leaned down and yanked at the flower, the roots sliding free of the metal with ease. He gave the skull a sharp tap on the forehead, making it freeze, and sauntered up to the head table.

He held it out to the professor, who accepted and twirled her wand, creating a pot. She stuck the flower in and made a wave of dirt fill around it. "Thank you, Mister Potter. These are harmless, but I've never been able to see one up close."

He nodded and gave the skull another tap, causing it to start moving again. Then he reached up to take the hat off his head. As he removed it, the hat spoke one last time. _"All four houses have Umbra quarters. You should have no trouble locating them."_

Harry grinned and set it on the stool. "Thanks for the tip." The end of the hat nodded to him. Harry strode towards the Slytherin table and sat down next to Malfoy, who looked a cross between disturbed and impressed.

* * *

><p>The rest of the sorting was fairly subdued. After the last person had been sorted, the hat was swept away, and the headmaster, an ancient looking man with a very long beard, rose. "Well another year has begun, and to our new students I bid you welcome, and our returning students, welcome back! Before we begin our welcoming feast, I must make a few start of term announcements. First, I must mention to all students that the Forbidden forest is dangerous and students are not permitted entry. Also the third floor corridor on the right hand side is out of bounds to all those who do not wish to meet a most painful death."<p>

Harry laughed, but he was one of the few that did.

The headmaster continued unperturbed. "I would also like to announce the arrival of some new classes." He gestured to his left, where two empty chairs sat. "As you can see, we have two new additions to our staff this year. First we have Advanced Magical Defense, taught by Professor D'arc!"

Jeanne threw the doors open and strode in. Harry grinned. She was wearing an outfit that she herself said she had not worn since the days of the witch hunts. She had apparently modified it into a kind of dress. She swept up and at a gesture from Dumbledore, stopped at his side. Professor D'arc specializes in wandless magic. Her classes will be available for fifth years and up."

Jeanne sat down and flashed Harry a smile.

The Headmaster cleared his throat. "Also new to us this year is Magical Self Defense, a class which will be available for all years. It will be taught by Professor Bayonetta!"

The doors flew open again, and Bayonetta strode in. Most of the hall went silent. Harry didn't blame them. His mother was wearing her battle uniform, though she had modified it so that there were no openings in the legs, and the partition in the back was much smaller. Harry himself had patterned his own battle uniform off of his mother's old one, though his had a great deal less accessories.

The silence was broken by two loud wolf whistles. Bayonetta stopped dead. Then she turned and stomped her foot. There were two shouts of surprise, and a blast of magical detonation. She held out her arms and caught the two boys as they came spiraling down. Hoisting them by the back of their robes, she said, "Self-defense lesson number one. Always respect a lady. You never know what she might be capable of." She held them closer. "Is that understood?" Both boys nodded furiously. "Good!" She dropped them. "Back to your seats." Both boys scurried off looking chastened.

Harry joined in the laughter filling the hall, watching as his mother back flipped over the table and sat down next to Jeanne, ignoring the looks from the other Professors.

The headmaster seemed less perturbed. "You will of course remember to give them the respect they are due as professors. And with that I must give a few last words. And here they are. Nitwit, oddment, blubber, tweak!"

Harry started laughing as the plates filled up with food.

One of the students next to him let out a low whistle. "Damn. I want a class with her. She's tough as nails!"

Another student shrugged. "Yeah, but wandless magic? That could _really_ be handy."

Harry grinned and looked up at the head table. He spotted one of the teachers, a rather sallow man with a large nose eyeing him with a mixture of revulsion, fury, and confusion. Harry rolled his eyes and put the man out of his mind.

"I still say the self-defense class sounds best." Harry glanced over at the student next to him. "She's unbelievable!"

"She's my mom." Harry said, grinning as the student gagged on his pumpkin juice.

* * *

><p>AN: SO Hogwarts at last! And several things I need to clarify. I keep forgetting to actually describe Harry's uniform, which is patterned after Bayonetta's uniform from Bayonetta one, minus most of the accessories. The opening in the back remains, since that seems to be there mainly for the purpose of the witches summoning their Madama's wings. Also his hair (depending on his whim) is anywhere from shoulder to waist length, though he rarely wears it that long. it's typically about halfway down his back, and unless specifically mentioned otherwise, this what he has it for everyday. though he never wears it short, finding it to be unmanageable.<p>

Information about the Hogwarts express can be found on Pottermore, and the ministry does indeed require students to ride it.

For those wondering about Harry's house placement, I couldn't see him in Gryffindor, as they'd be too loud and annoying to him, and Ravenclaw requires the answer to a riddle to get in, which I can't see him always getting right. Hufflepuff might have worked, but loyalty isn't precisely one of Harry's strong suits here, particularly to the wizarding world in general. His family is another story, of course.

Scuttlebut with Jeanne is that she may actually be Joan of Arc, hence her name.

So that's that! Sorry for the wait and enjoy the chapter! Also look out for a surprise next chapter!


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